Your Body is More Than Beautiful

I want to tell you something, something about myself that embarrasses me immensely. Growing up, my mother had an abusive relationship with food. She allowed it to dictate who she was and how she felt about herself. I watched as she hid foods laden with sugar in the hall closet, stopped at Sonic on the way home to get ice cream or sneaked something out of the house she really wanted. This was all part of a bigger issue we will address later, but the moral is she dealt with emotions through food. Don't get me wrong, my mother is beautiful inside and out. She is an incredible woman, but to binge is a trait I learned. It is one she learned and it is one I will not pass on.  We will not fill your tears with cookies or celebrate your accomplishments with pizza. We will fuel your body and make you strong, emotionally and physically, 

It's true, your body is beautiful -no matter its shape or size. But it is so much more. It is strong, it is inspiring, it is a fortress. You will hear the value of your body in terms of beauty as you grow up. You will see it reflected in magazines, on social media, in movies and in whispers every day. You will see girls that are thinner than you, have bigger boobs, and who are so airbrushed on a magazine cover you actually think that is their real butt (it's not). You will see and hear all of these things, but never from me. From me you will learn the value of your body.  You will only hear how your body is capable and strong. Run that extra mile, dance until you can't breathe, backpack trails, give birth, make love, and live. Truly live.

It is one of my biggest regrets that I spent so many years judging other women, thinking  - if only I was her size, I would be happy. If my butt looked like hers I would rock those shorts; Girls like that don't eat cookies like I do; Her hair is perfect; Her teeth are so white - the list goes on and on. I have turned down invitations to places I had to wear a bathing suit, binged on thousands of calories as some sort of validation that my body is gross, and not allowed myself to thrive and grow as a person because I was busy being a shell. I have surveyed a room as I walked in and labeled myself the fat girl, I have called myself a whale before anyone else had a chance (not that they even were), and I have been shopping with friends and said, "You look beautiful, but that would look disgusting on me." I will not let you do that. I will not let you abuse yourself mentally for an idea of beauty. Here is a sad truth, I still do it, but I can promise you that by the time you know me, I will love my own body- every curve and stretch mark. I will own my flaws and celebrate them, so much so, that you will be shocked while reading this. 

I am learning to love myself, because I want more for you. I don't want you to have a battle in your head every time you try on a bathing suit or want ice cream. I want you to know moderation. I want you to stand proud in confidence no matter your body type. I want you to know you are beautiful. I am aware you will learn traits from me and this is one I will not pass on. The truth is that all girls eat cookies, all have insecurities, and all are fighting their own silent battle. So look at your body - the incredible fortress that it is, celebrate the scar from when you had chicken pox, the birth mark that is a little too visible, the stretch marks from bringing life into this world. You only get so many days on earth so you might as well celebrate your body and thank it for all it does. 

I will not let you be my insecurities. You are more.